Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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