You just made me feel so damn special
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
