is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
