I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
