I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
