so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
