Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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