You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.