If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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