Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
