don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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