I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
