so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
