I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
