Say something about gay babies.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
