Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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