He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
