Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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