Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
