He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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