508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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