she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
