Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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