so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
