Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
