Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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