I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
