I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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