Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
