im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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