Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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