You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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