just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
These tits shall not be calmed
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
