oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
