rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
