I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
