I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
