If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I have post one night stand depression
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
