i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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