Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
