Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
