Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My ass is underappreciated
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
