Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
