You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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