Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Who died my cat blue again?
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