Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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