her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I deserve this hangover.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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