I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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