Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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