I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
