Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
