I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He did a backflip because drugs
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