I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We smell like vodka and hangover
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