Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize