I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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