So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
