He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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