Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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