saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
