Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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